Shine
by meethzoonk
Summary: In which there are deaths, banishing, searching and destroying; Alucard goes, Celes follows, Integra stays and keeps her own part of the deal...


**__**

SHINE  
**Author : **meethzoonk  
**Rating : **R (rated for violence and coarse language, especially in future chapters =P)  
**Chapter : **1/?  
**Disclaimer :** I own absolutely nothing, for this story is based on the characters and situations of Hellsing. No money is being made and no trademark infringement is intended either.

~~~  
_'In the name of God; impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen.'_  
~~~

**__**

I. Cogito, Ergo Sum..

Celes Victoria wondered how she could be so self-indulgent. She had tossed her Halconnen cannon away, pushed a comrade, yelled at Walter, and stormed angrily towards Integra's office the very moment she was aware of the unexpected news.

It wasn't all like her to be so rough and violent, but in this particular time, she felt a strange need to act so; the need to cast her human feelings aside, and drag her vampire instincts right up the surface. Rough and violent was the only way she's going to get her questions answered quickly anyway.

Especially if she's going to get it straight from Integra Hellsing herself.

Celes set both her hands on the wooden door of the office and jerked slightly, literally ripping it off the wall. It was a moment before she realized Integra was inside – at first it was just a dark sillouhette against the window which showed the rain pouring outside, then a spark of lightning, and she realized the slender figure sitting behind the table was really her.

Integra sat comfortably, her fingers circling the edge of her teacup on the table as she darted her eyes towards the large hole where the door had been before. She didn't look the least bit afraid or intimidated; in fact, she looked as stunning as she had always been in front of her. Integra raised her fair head, and glared at Celes.

"How dare you barge in like this, Victoria." said Integra, lifting her cold eyes from the teacup. "I suppose Alucard never taught you any manners when he was still here."

"_Where is he_?" Celes hissed, "Where did you send him?"

Integra placed a cigar on her lips, took out the lighter from her coat and lit it. "So you've heard-" she said in her usual composed voice, letting the gray smoke escape through her mouth as she spoke, "-that Alucard left Hellsing Institution."

"He didn't _leave_," Celes pointed out, her voice shaking with rage. "You banished him!!"

"He broke a rule," Integra looked down, her hands drawn together in a tight knot. "He killed a man without my consent. That's worth all the rules in the book. That shows just how much he respects me.." she said, her voice almost in a whisper. "..how much he could hurt me."

"That dishonest man deserved what Master gave him." returned Celes coldly. "A fucking vacant place in Hell."

Integra resisted the urge to smile. "Victoria, listen to me." she started, "After existing for over five hundred years, one would think it would be childish for Alucard to lose control over a simple act of aggravation. Was it an overpowering greed left from his past days that made him betray our trust and commit a criminal act? I don't know, but he should've just left that man alone."

Celes stared at her. The lady spoke in a voice that held no tone, no mirth, not even pain. It was the way she had always spoke, not showing any real hints of what she might be feeling. Celes had always admired that ability. She had admired her for many things. But she knew admiration could never last long. And hers ended the moment she knew who was behind her master's banishment.

Celes' dark red eyes narrowed in fury. She was unexpectedly feeling everything she never thought she was capable of feeling; she felt her blood boil to her rage, she felt her knuckles snap in fury, she felt the hungry need to sink her teeth into living flesh, to kill, to _devour_...

She didn't feel anywhere near human.

And for the first time, felt glad about it.

"I am not cruel, Victoria." said Integra cautiously, noting the glint of danger in the vampire's eyes. "I merely exiled him to a nearby isle in the West of England. The isle's inhabitants are only animals, so no human will get hurt by him. Of course Walter will see that medicine blood is sent every two weeks. You too, can come visit him anytime you want."

Celes bared her teeth at her, but made no response.

"You're showing your emotions, Victoria." Integra added, taking another drag out of her cigar. "Alucard _did_ teach you nothing."

It was as if a lightbulb had lit in her mind, and her anger was suddenly no more. Celes now only felt loathing for the woman in front of her. "Fine." she said, "You want more emotions? Well, here's another one; fuck _you_. Fuck every fucking thing you do. I don't care who you are or what you are, fuck _you_. I had thought you were different. I had thought you were on Master's side, but you weren't. And it seems like you never were."

Something unreadable flashed across Integra's face, and Celes felt a bleak of triumph.

"I had thought you were the one who knew him. Or have you just been closing your eyes? _You_ know and _I_ know an unhabited island won't keep my Master there. He is not a caged animal. He'll free himself, and he'll be back. I know he will."

"Then what if he's different?" Integra said.

Celes silenced. "What are you talking about?"

"What if he's turned into the heartless vampire he was; the one that couldn't stop killing? Do you still want him as your Master? Could you still accept him back? He left because he knew I can't. I would never trust him, and he knew that."

"You banished him. I know, okay? Don't you fucking lie in my face."

"Well, he left first." she snapped, her voice a serrated dagger of ice. She moved her eyes away from Celes and said no more, as if the whole conversation was difficult to her. Her cigar, left forgotten, continued to burn out against the ashtray. "Go on now, Celes. You've made your point, now leave me in peace."

Celes didn't know how to respond. Integra was showing emotions, and that intimidated her more than ever. Yet Celes was determined not to let anyone intimidate her, whoever it was. She gave Integra one final glare before spinning around on her heel, then stalked to the door and out of it.

**

"Walter! Walter!"

Walter held on to his bowler hat and turned around. He barely heard the voice crying out his name due to the roar of the helicopter engine and propellers. "Miss Celes!" he looked surprised.

Celes stopped running, and bent down in front of him, puffing. "I'm - I'm sorry I yelled at you before! I got too carried away!"

Walter smiled. "It's quite alright, don't think too much about it!" he cried, trying to overcome the sound. "Are you coming to join us!? We were just about to leave to see Lord Alucard!"

"I can't! Not now!" she said. "But please give Master my regards! And tell him - tell him I still need him! So don't go anywhere!"

"I assure you he won't, Miss Celes! We have everything taken care of!" Walter nodded shortly, and lifted himself into the helicopter. "Farewell, Miss Ce--!" he broke off, suddenly, and abruptly - Celes realized his cellphone was ringing. She watched Walter take it out of his coat and picked it up. She watched his calm face instantly turn white, and his eyes go wide, and by this point, Celes realized that something has gone very, very wrong.

Walter yelled something to the pilot, and the helicopter's engine immediately died down. Silence engulfed the place that was so full of sounds just seconds before.

"What.." Celes started, "What is it? Aren't you.. aren't you going to see Master? Walter?"

Walter's eyes wavered at her, "He's.. he's not there."

Something inside Celes made her smile, "Not there? You mean, he escaped?" she smiled even wider. "I knew he'd escape! He'll be back, I know he will..." Her voice trailed off - the look on Walter's face was enough to make anyone fall silent. He looked frightening, and upset. "Is.. is something wrong?"

"He disappeared."

Celes blinked. "He _escaped_." she said, firmly, as if trying to believe that herself.

"He disappeared." repeated Walter. "I'm deeply sorry, Miss Celes," - and he did sound sorry - "But I'd've known if he escaped. I'd've known it anywhere in the world, because when he left Hellsing Institution, we tagged him, just to make sure. That tag is one of a kind, it's indestructible, and it's been tested to quite a lot of FREAKs. With that tag, we should be able to know his location, anywhere in the world. But if he's undetectable, like he is now, then the worst concept is that... he may not even be alive."

A tremor of fear spread throughout her whole body.

"Although there might still be hope..." Walter continued, but Celes couldn't listen anymore. It was as if the world had turned into a sickish sort of gray colour, and Celes stopped hearing to everything else outside the miserable bubble that surrounded her.

__

...he may not even be alive.

She didn't want to believe it. There might still be hope.

Very slowly, Celes turned away from him and walked towards the house. After what seemed like an endless walk, she reached the door, but didn't make any move to open it and come inside. She held the side of the stone wall, leaned her shoulder on it, and let herself slide down to the ground.

She didn't want to stand up.

Celes was waiting.

Waiting, for a voice that had entered her mind over and over again without permission.

__

Master

A voice, that would come in secrecy, without doubts, and without fear.

__

Where are you, Master?

A voice, that always came when needed, and even when unwanted.

__

Master!

It may sound vile, dark, and angry, but it always came. It always did.

Then she heard a voice.

"Celes Victoria?"

She scowled. It was not the voice she had expected.

Celes raised her head and looked up. The large door had opened, and Integra stood tall by it. She was staring down at her with her usual icy stare. Even from where Celes was, her striking cold beauty was the same. She wondered wether this was what her master sees in her. She remembered the first time feeling so vulnerable in front of her, in the operating room. She was only half alive and atop the operating table, but her master's rare patience on her made her feel like a born loser.

She felt it then, and she felt it now.

"What are you.." Integra stopped. A dawning look entered her face, and by this, Celes was convinced that she too, had known about Alucard's unusual disappearance. She didn't even look the least bit sad about it.

Celes' face suddenly crumpled. She was crying hard, in a way she had never cried before, not even as a human. Tears fell onto her face from her sanguine eyes rapidly, though she did not bother to wipe them. She felt so disgusted with herself; for letting herself cry in front of Integra, and for letting Integra look so calm when her own feelings were badly hurt. She wanted to hurt her, just as bad, maybe worse. She needed to hurt her as if her life depended on it.

"Is nothing _fair_?" she wailed and hung her head, not wanting to face her. "Why did you have to see me like this?"

Integra said nothing. But inside, she was thinking of something personal; about the promises she had made, the sacrifices she had seen, and how she was going to deal with their consequences. She didn't feel the need to say anything to Celes, even though strings of words played inside her head.

"_Why_ did you banish him?" Celes looked up at her this time, the question she had been wanting to ask her finally out of her mouth. It was unusual how the swearings came out first, and the most obvious question of all was left for last.

Integra stared down at her quietly. She glanced quickly in the direction of the helicopter before staring back at her, then thought back about her previous thoughts. The string of words in her mind, she realized, would only worsen things. She took a step forward, and marched past Celes, leaving her behind and the question before, unanswered.

Celes stayed rooted to her spot and did not stand up for a very long time.

**

News had gone out, that he disappeared.

It spread fast in the underground, making several rogue FREAKs leave their nest and have their own idea of fun. No one knew where he went, or where they could find him. According to Walter, he had had the MI5 help search for him, but with zero results. Although there was proof that Alucard had been in Glasgow for a short while, it appeared that he had vanished entirely after only a few day's stay. One could say that the earth practically swallowed him alive.

"Two weeks since Master left.." Celes whispered bitterly to her bowl of blood. She picked up her spoon and started playing with her food, spinning it round and round and round, spilling drops of reddish liquid around the plate at every turn. "Two weeks I didn't see him... two weeks I didn't hear him... two weeks without feeling him... two weeks of my life wasted because he's not here... two weeks without Master..."

She dropped her spoon.

"... is two weeks in.. limbo."

__

Limbo? A deep voice echoed in her mind. _Why limbo, Policewoman? Why not Hell?_

"Because," Celes heard herself say, "I've been there. When I died. It's a terrible place, but Master was there. He sent me there and he brought me back. Hell is my Master's home. So it's my home as well. But _limbo_—" her eyes suddenly grew wide, her knuckles went white, and she felt herself shake. "—limbo is somewhere _alien_, somewhere entirely different. Master is not there. Like Master is not here... not with me. Not here to guide me. I'm lost. I'm trapped in fucking limbo. I'm trapped in fucking limbo. I'm trapp—"

"Miss Celes!"

She looked up, surprised. "...Walter."

The man lowered his eyes at the cluttered table; the messy specks of bloodstains, the tip of the spoon's handle peeking out of the blood; then paused, and raised them to her. "I've been calling you for the past five minutes," he said. "You didn't.. hear me?"

Celes shook her head slowly, not taking her eyes off him. Her face was even paler from usual, and the light was almost gone from her eyes. She was looking at him like someone waking up from a distracted dream.

"Miss Celes, please. Stop acting like this," said Walter, sharply. "You were not yourself yesterday, and you're not yourself today. We're trying to find him, Miss Celes. We still are. We haven't stopped. Lord Alucard would be very disappointed if he sees you like this."

Celes's blood-red eyes was almost tearful. "_How_?" she said, and her voice cracked painfully. "How could Master _leave_ me like this? How could he _do_ this to me?"

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He has.. reasons," Walter began, as if the words were being dragged out of him. "It might sound typical, but we all know he's not one who runs without a cause."

Celes was lost in her thoughts for a while. Her head bowed down, and when she did look up, she gazed at her bowl of medicine blood, long enough for her to push it away and shake her head, "I don't want any of that. I don't need any. I didn't want any in the first place. Take it away, Walter."

Walter sighed, "It wouldn't do us any good if you keep refusing to eat, Miss Policewoman."

__

Policewoman

Celes slammed her eyes shut. "No, don't call me that. Only Master can call me that. Only Master has the _right_ to call me that."

"Be reasonable, Miss Celes." said Walter, patiently. "If Lord Alucard doesn't want to be found, then he will not be found. Lord Alucard has powers I, as a mortal, cannot speculate. Even the most sophisticated technologies of the British intellegence cannot overcome his powers. You have obviously seen for yourself what wonders he can do, and as his own apprentice, you should know better than to bawl your eyes out over him."

"But I do," said Celes, "I do know better. I see myself in the mirror everyday now and all I see is a wreck. I'm thinking why? Why am I like this? How did I become like this? How _dare_ I let myself immerese in grief. How can I end this? The answers all point out to Master, and I can't find him. It's useless."

"You haven't even tried."

Her shoulders flinched, realizing the amount of truth in his words.

"I have left your Halconnen by the door, Miss Celes." Walter gestured a hand towards her cannon, and Celes paused briefly. "I'm in fact here to inform you that Lady Integra has suspended you momentarily from future assignments, so you'll have all the time you need to think about the things you should do." He shifted slightly to the door. "You may be Lord Alucard's apprentice, but you are still a being with a mind of its own. What you think, you will do. Ergo, what you do is what you are."

Celes opened her mouth to speak, but Walter beat her to it.

"I truly hope you can find the silver lining of it all, Miss Celes. May God and Her Majesty's blessings be with you. Amen." Walter turned, and left with the door still open.

__

To be continued...

****

References:

__

Cogito, ergo sum; I think, therefore I am. -René Descartes, French philosopher.


End file.
